Two Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship with God (Pt. 1)

On allowing our view of God to be shaped by people and culture

Photo by Ryan Cheng on Unsplash

Though followers of Christ have been called to be “imitators of God” (Eph. 5:1, CSB), many Christians throughout history and in our churches today don’t look anything like Jesus. I think this is largely due to shallow discipleship in which followers of Christ don’t develop mature, healthy relationships with God. But what do I mean by a “healthy” relationship with God? To start, I think it’s helpful to see what an “unhealthy” relationship looks like.

There’s a story of an anti-hero in the Bible who highlights two characteristics of an unhealthy relationship with God and the danger of an unhealthy relationship with God. This is where we’ll begin. In future posts I’ll share the hope we have in Christ, and some next steps on how to cultivate healthier relationships with God and thereby reflect God more clearly in the world around us. So if these posts feel overly negative, just hold out. There’s a happy ending!

The story is found in Judges 11:29-40. To be warned, this is one of those unsettling stories your teachers skipped over in Sunday School/Children’s Church. Taking place during Israel’s early years in the Promised Land, the book of Judges narrates Israel’s downward spiral into wickedness and corruption. During this time Israel didn’t have kings, but instead chose the biggest, baddest warriors they could find to be their leaders (like school children picking a football captain at recess). These warlords are referred to as “judges” in the Bible. Watch the video below if you want a better grasp on the overarching structure and message of Judges.

One of these judges was a man named Jephthah (think: Jeff-Thuh). Compared to many of the warlords in the book of Judges, Jephthah is actually one of the better ones. However, as we will see, his unfamiliarity with God and God’s Word results in the tragic and unneccessary harm of an innocent person.

Verses 1-28 provide some background on Jephthah’s life. While he was a mighty warrior, he was born of a prostitute (v. 1) and as a result was rejected and ostrisized by his brothers in childhood (v. 2). Jephthah thus ran away from his family and found solace in the company of “worthless men” (v. 3). Years later, when a neighboring nation declares war on Israel, his brothers ask him to lead them due to his success on the battle field (vv. 4-11). Jepthah then negotiates with the leader of this neighboring nation to avoid war, but isn’t successful (vv. 12-28). This is when the infamous story begins.

The First Characteristic of an Unhealthy Relationship with God: Not Knowing God’s Character (Judges 11:29-33)

The Spirit of the LORD came on Jephthah, who travelled through Gilead and Manasseh, and then through Mizpah of Gilead. He crossed over to the Ammonites from Mizpah of Gilead. Jephthah made this vow to the LORD: “If you in fact hand over the Ammonites to me, whoever comes out of the doors of my house to greet me when I return safely from the Ammonites will belong to the LORD, and I will offer that person as a burnt offering.” Jephthah crossed over to the Ammonites to fight against them, and the LORD handed them over to him. He defeated twenty of their cities with a great slaughter from Aroer all the way to the entrance of Minnith and to Abel-keramim. So the Ammonites were subdued before the Israelites. (Judges 11:29-33, CSB, emphasis mine)

Here we see the first characteristic of an unhealthy relationship with God: Not Knowing God’s Character. In vv. 30-31, Jephthah makes a deal with God. It sounds innocent enough at first glance, but I think if Jephthah had known God’s character, he would not have made this rash vow. Rather, Jepthah’s view of God was distorted by his relationships and the culture of the world around him.

Relationships

In v. 9, Jephthah makes a deal with his half-brothers to lead them in battle on the condition he is invited back home to lead them. These are the very family members who bullied him and ostracized him as a kid. Having then spent time around shifty personalities after running away, it makes sense that Jephthah would have gotten good at making deals to get ahead in life. Unfortunately, it seems this pattern of making deals in his relationships with people gets carried over into his relationship with God.

In talking to many students and from my own experience personally, many of our assumptions of what God is like are shaped by significant relationships in our youth. Whether that be our father, mother, pastor, coach, teacher, older sibling, etc., the people who influence us in our younger years often shape how we view God. For example, if you had a cruel or absent father, it’s likely you grew to see God as cruel or absent. If you had an abusive pastor, it’s likely you grew to see God as abusive. How have your most significant relationships influenced your view of God’s character? Does your confidence in God’s character come more from God’s Word or from the influence of your parents, pastor, or other Christian role model?

The Culture

Jephthah’s view of God was also influenced by the culture around him. Since Israel had failed to drive out the Canaanites from the Promised Land, the influence of the Canaanite religion was still strong. The relationship between the Canaanite people and their gods was often transactional (as was standard in Ancient Near Eastern cultures). You give a gift to the gods (ie: prayers, sacrifices, etc) in return for blessing (ie: fruitful harvest, healthy children, etc). The negative was also true though. If the gods cursed you (ie: drought, disease, etc), it’s because you didn’t give a gift or they rejected your gift for some reason.

When I lived in South Asia for a few years after college, I noticed that it was common to see college students before finals week gathering around shrines of Saraswati, the Hindu goddess of wisdom and learning, offering her prayers and financial tithes in order to recieve the blessing of good grades. “I give you prayers and money, you give me good grades. Deal?”

Before you think I’m picking on other cultures, American Christians do this too! Have you ever seen a bumper sticker that says, “Save America. Pray the Rosary.” or a social media post that says something to the effect of “God is punishing America for our sin. Repent so that America may once again have God’s blessing of wealth and prosperity!” Or, when suffering besets you, you think to yourself, “I’ve been a faithful Christian my whole life: praying, going to church, reading my Bible, etc. Why, God, are you letting me suffer?” The posture undergirding each of these sentiments is transactional. “We pray and do good deeds. You bless and prosper us.” This is how the Canaanites, Jephthah, and most people in the world today relate to God. But God is not like that. You cannot buy God as a way of manipulating Him into what you want Him to do.

In a country that’s been so dominated by Christian beliefs and values for so long, it can be tricky to know the difference between true biblical Christianity and American cultural Christianity. But if you aren’t able to tell the difference between the two, this is a sign that your relationship with God is immature and unhealthy. Or, as Jeff Foxworthy would say, “Here’s your sign.”

Conclusion

In sum, the first characteristic of an unhealthy relationship with God is not knowing God’s character. This happens when we blindly let our relationships and the culture shape our understanding of what God is like, rather than God Himself through his Word and His Son.

We’ll continue Jephthah’s story in the next post with the second characteristic of an unhealthy relationship with God.